I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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