My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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