Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He felt like a one man threesome
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
