Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
