One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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