If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. π
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Fuuuuuck dude, heβs got #Excel in his Facebook bio; Iβm screaming
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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