my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
