no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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