My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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