margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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