I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
