if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
