chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
