i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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