i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
