Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
