My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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