Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
