dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
