Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize