So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
