Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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