dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
