I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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