Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
