have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
