Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
