Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
