here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
