Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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