I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
