I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
