John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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