Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
