dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
