So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
