I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
