have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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