i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize