I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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