I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There are leaves in my underwear?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
