i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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