whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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