Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
