Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
