$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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