I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he thought i was a dude.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
