If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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