you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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