You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
