I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Found your dick twin last night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
