I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
