I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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