I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
