Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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