Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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