booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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