Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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