I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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