I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
