There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
