She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
